She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
