That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
