I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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