i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
