we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
True strength comes from lack of pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
