I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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