there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
