Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
