ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize