Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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