So drunk, too bad you don't want this
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
