party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
