Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
