Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
