Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
