a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
