Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
