My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
