i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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