It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you never un-have a 4some
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
