I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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