yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
