I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
