I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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