do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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