Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
