from now on my penis is your penis
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
