the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
