you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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