i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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