Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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