Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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