mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
