I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
