He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
