There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
