we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
