Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
