Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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