dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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