ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
