I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
