Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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