smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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