She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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