We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
