i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
