Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
