I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
