bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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