Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
