I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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