I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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