Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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