I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
