Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
