I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
