i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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