So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we're making bets on your personal life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
