You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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