i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
