That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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