Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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