it was like his penis was on wheels.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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