he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
