he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
