Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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