I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
