you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
